Horizon

So after several weeks of waiting (mostly impatiently) and worrying (a lot), I received word from NOVA -- the English teaching school that I interviewed with recently. They want me, and they want me to work at their media center in Osaka.

It feels a lot like everything has come full circle, and things are going my way. I still know I've got a long way to go; least of all is the Visa process! Man, Japan is really strict about the people they let in, and their Visa guidelines are more than a little nit-picky. I forgot about that from when I was applying for my student Visa.

The sooner I get it done, though, the sooner I can leave America. You know, it's not that I hate it here -- although I do, in particular, hate this town that I live in -- I think most of my fellow Americans are amazing, generous, unique people. Even the ones I disagree with: the war mongers, the zealots, the people just too scared to use their minds to think for themselves for once -- they have virtues of their own that I strongly respect.

What it comes down to is that I crave the kind of freedom that I can only have in a place where I don't fit in at all. Most people fear being pushed out into the open like that; with the eyes of the world on you, trying to classify you, to define who you are -- I don't blame them. It's scary. There exists an opportunity, though, a struggle for identity that breaks the mask of who you pretend to be, and deep beneath the layers of deception, for a single shining moment, you can see who you are. Then you can be that person -- yourself -- for the genuine first time.
My years and my struggles brought me to see myself, but now a much more daring question remains: what can I become?

Being a teacher is great. It's a noble profession, and I love to teach. But down the road, in the future, I want to become even more. My wings ache to be spread, and I feel like this is only the first step. Fame and fortune don't interest me; they never have. I just want to stand at the top of this unique world with my own power, clawing up the slopes and avoiding the pitfalls of mundaneness and acceptance. The lull of "good enough" and "almost".

To be honest, I don't know where to go from here, this first step. So I will just dash forward and see where the wind takes me.